Ugh, I haven't done anything with this blog forever, it seems. The last wee has been so completely draining that I haven't been able to come up with anything worth writing about. Politics is not really my thing; I save that for my husband. There's really been nothing noteworthy or eventful, unless you count my 4-5 days of cleaning out the old house, which has been both physically and emotionally draining.
The cats are still in the house and they need taken somewhere, which may very well end up being a regular shelter since all the no-kills are apparently booked all the way up to three months in advance; either that, or they're only taking sick or injured animals. I guess I can only hope.
I did manage to score my old job back, though. I'm glad, because I really do hate not working. Not only do I feel vulnerable not making any money, but I have a tendency to get bored easily. Many a time have I contemplated being a stay-at-home mom, but even if we had the resources, I couldn't do it. I'm not one that can be stuck in the house with kids all day; as much as I admire those who can do that, I have a problem with patience and have to get away, if only for a couple hours. So it's a relief to be working again (always assuming I pass the drug test, LOL). The job description kinda sucks, but the people I worked with were great, and needless to say I'm familiar with the surroundings.
I suppose I was to learn some profound life lesson, moving to the house and back again, but I have yet to figure out what that is. Maybe there wasn't one, maybe it was just bad luck; or maybe it will become clearer as I move on and am not so involved in it now. Yes, we made mistakes, and we're learning from them. No, living with parental figures again is not an absolute thrill for me. For now, though, it's almost a refuge; a chance to get back on our feet, to get J through school and on to something better, and maybe, just maybe, I'll figure out a little more about my own self, too.
I'm 23 years old, married, have a one-year-old and another munchkin on the way, and still don't really have a shittin' clue about what I want to do with myself, other to be a good mother and a loving, supportive spouse. I want more for myself than just that, but I'm not very good at figuring out just what my niche is. I can't say how much I've really strayed from what I imagined my life would be like, because I really couldn't imagine it at any point. I've been the kind of person to take things as they come, but I want goals, too. I feel like I lack motivation and drive to attain any goals, but when they're so unclear, I don't have anything to add fuel to. I feel like I'm kind of just...stuck.
I don't know. I'm done rambling.
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3 comments:
Cjay,
Ditto for me! (and I'm 36) It's really hard to work towards a career goal when you don't really have one.
Truthfully, I just want a job with a good boss and co-workers, doing something I don't hate, that pays enough to pay our bills and save some $$ and has good benefits. Which sounds simultaneously lame and impossible to obtain! (My job right now has 3/5, I just need a raise and a retirement plan!)
Good luck. And I'm glad that J. is able to go back to school. That's really important and will make living with the 'rents worthwhile.
Jennifer
Cjay, you are so not alone on trying to decide what you want to do. Just keep in mind that you have already done a lot. Maintaining a marriage and having kids is a very difficult thing to do. And from what I have seen, you seem to be doing pretty well with it.
Hang in there. Before you know it, things will slow down enough for you to get some clarity and direction.
All I can do is tell you what I told my own kids - find you passion and figure out a way to make a living doing it. For my son, it was figuring out how mechanical things worked, taking them apart and putting them back together. For my daughter, it was music. Fortunately, it worked for both of them. Other than spouse and baby, what are you passionate about? Start making a list of "Passions" and see where it takes you.
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